Our Longest Tour Yet

We are back home from our stint of shows through the midwest!  As a part-time band whose two members retain other part-time jobs, two weeks on the road has been our longest continuous stretch to date.  This was a test on several levels for us, and it was something we prayed would answer some questions about how we move forward as a band. 

First, a quick recap of our travels:

 We began with a Youth for Christ high school conference called Heatwave in Wildwood, NJ with The Remedy [Worship].  These guys are our brothers and some of our best friends.  We met some incredible students and YFC leaders, and even got a second to dip our toes in the sand! (Can you find us way in the back of the group shot??)

We drove straight from NJ to Wisconsin, stopping to sleep near Toledo. We were booked as Artists on the Rise at Under the Radar's Escape to the Lake, a four day music festival/retreat for artists and music lovers.  We met incredible musicians and folks from around the country, witnessed well-crafted songwriting and captivating concerts, and got to enjoy the beauty of Conference Point Center at Lake Geneva.

We explored Milwaukee (including cheese curds and brats) and played a show for youth and families at Grace Lutheran School in the suburbs.  We shared the stage with Donney Wright, a hip hop artist passionate about youth and the Gospel.

We explored Chicago NOT in January like our previous visits (courtesy of our hosts the McGinty's and Dave Trout of Under the Radar!) and played some of our songs and some corporate worship music for the Lincoln Park location of New Life Community Church. We also ate the obligatory Chicago deep dish pizza right before going on stage.  You know, like the pros do.

We played a house concert to a lovely crowd in Cincinnati with the uber-talented Son of Laughter, and our hosts invited us to play at City Gospel Mission for residents and the public the next morning.  We got to sneak in a quick visit to Over-the-Rhine, Graeter's ice cream, and Skyline chili before leaving the city.

We ended the tour with a house show in Louisville with our dear friend and fellow musician Adrian Mathenia.  We enjoyed a reunion with old friends and explored more of Louisville before driving through the night back to Maryland (in time for Jenna to play another gig that night... whew!).

So, those were our whirlwind 2 weeks on the road!  Now that we're home, we've been able to process some things we learned, both from questions we had before we left and things that we didn't anticipate.  Here are 8 of our thoughts.  (Why eight?  I don't know.  Why not?)

-God protects and provides.  This is not new information.  But there were so many little and big things that happened... lest we thought for one instant that we were in control of this tour, God quickly showed us otherwise.  We left a keyboard power cord behind at one location, and the venue where we discovered this just happened to have not only a power cord for our brand of keyboard, but an EXTRA.  We realized one mic stand was missing a mic clip, and the home we were in (note: someone's house. not a typical venue.) just happened to have their own sound system with a mic stand with a mic clip. We got caught in the mountains on our trek home in torrential downpour, the gas tank nearly empty, and very few exits to be seen... and an exit popped up with a gas station that was closed but the pump still worked.  In each of these moments, God provided peace that prevented panic - which I think is also an indication that I'm learning how to trust Him more instead of relying on my own strength and logic.  Each was uncomfortable, but I simply knew that God was going to work it out, and He did each time.

-Extended time on the road seems to work for us.  We love road trips.  We love exploring new places and trying local food specialties.  We also love playing music and and meeting new people.  There were tiring and trying moments for sure, but everything we saw and did was so life-giving that we came back feeling excited and energized rather than worn out.  I'm sure years of it could leave us feeling different, but for now, we wanted to get right back out there when we arrived back in Maryland.

-The kingdom is far-reaching and generous.  This tour was financially sustainable thanks to all of the hosts who provided us places to sleep and a meal.  We felt the healing effects of hospitality through this; we were well cared for and that enabled us to play and care for others well.  We felt a bit spoiled!  Each place we went, we met new friends who invited us to return one day under their roof.  People gave generously at shows.  And the aforementioned power cord?  The sound men cheerfully sent us on our way with their extra so that we could continue the tour.

-Audiobooks are a great way to travel.  Wanting to hear what came next in a book made long multi-hour stretches of driving seem to fade into the background.  We listened to Tina Fey's Bossypants (hysterical and strong) and started A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket.  (If you're interested, the first is kind of like a radio play, books 3 - 5 are terribly mastered and read by the author, but books 2 and 6 - 13 are read by Tim Curry.  He is fantastic.)

-Artistic community is invaluable when it's healthy.  The Escape to the Lake event we played was full of talented songwriters and musicians, as were shows that we played afterward.  Community centered around common interest and skill can sometimes entertain dangerous elements of comparison, competition, and pride, especially when creativity and performance are involved.  We have both been in such communities in the past, leaving us drained and anything but motivated to work on our craft.  ETTL, though, was full of community who simply desires good art to be made and celebrated.  The songs and skills of the artists present were awe-inspiring and encouraging, as were the artists themselves and the attendees.  We could not wait to get home and write again!  We've been touring and playing on our latest album over the past year, so this was a true page-turn for our artistic focus.  We would not have come upon such inspiration and motivation without this event.

-We need to stay connected to community back home.  In our road tripping pattern, we often didn't make or take phone calls that weren't related to the tour.  But the combination of preparations for departure, the actual two weeks on the road, and another week away soon after we returned put us in a place of not connecting with some people we love for over a month.  Whether they're physically from our town or close friends and family elsewhere, we quickly recognized that if extended road time becomes a normal part of our routine, we will need to take time away to pour into these relationships to ease the strain of absence.

-We're continuing on, one step at a time.  For years, I struggled with comparison and being a planner.  I would lament that other people were further along, more disciplined, more skilled, more driven, or at a magical successful point for which there was no road map.  I could not see how Chris & Jenna could be a full-time thing (or even whether it was supposed to be) with no linear path or numbered list of things to accomplish.  However, God does not typically hand out sets of 15 steps to people.  He gives ONE. at. a. time. And He invites us to trust him by following Him and obeying, even though we can't see the step after it, let alone the end game.  For now, that step looks like me eliminating some hours of another job that I've had in order to work more on the ministry that's been entrusted to us.  It seems that our story has been baby-stepping in some ways, and I'm now grateful for that.

-We are always learning to work better together.  This is hopefully true for any good marriage or business partnership.  In our case, we have both.  We are learning how to have grace with each other when we fail, to communicate through the mechanics and specifics of playing shows and packing up gear and traveling, to resolve conflict efficiently and lovingly, to divvy up responsibilities and tasks so that we can take care of business and still take care of the people around us, and to more selflessly serve one another.  We want to still love doing this together years down the road, so we want to be intentional about forming foundations and walls we can build upon.

Thank you to all who supported us in any way on this adventure.  We hope to revisit the Midwest (and/or a town near you) soon!

-Jenna

10 Things I Learned/Am Learning at 30

Oh, hey there, blog.  Long time no see, old chum. 

Last year, May was a monumental month.  We released our album on May 20th, I turned 30 on May 29th, and we played our release show on May 30th.  Turning 30 is one of those milestones people meet with many different attitudes.  Some feel it's an ancient number and curse the idea of growing older.  Some have a mini-crisis of all the self-imposed life things that were supposed to happen by that age.  Some simply deny it, publicly celebrating the anniversary of their 29th birthday for the rest of their days.  Some don't care.  Others are all about being 30. 

Tangent: I was probably 28 when I saw this movie for the first time, and I bawled my eyes out faced with a story that played out the possibility of living life apart from the man you both like and love best.  We are talking ugly, hiccuping cry.  I may or may not have trouble separating movies from reality.  
And I may or may not have a flair for the dramatic.

I probably fell somewhere in middle of these extremes - I thought about it a lot, so I felt rather introspective about completing my thirtieth year on the planet.  I mulled over the ways I had grown and the things I was learning, thinking I wanted to write it all down sometime.  I continued to mull, continued to want to record all the thoughts, some haphazardly scrawled in a journal, some trapped in the hamster wheel of my brain.

And then I turned 31 this past Friday.  Oops.  No time like the present!  Oddly, I prepared a lot for 30, but 31 caught me way off guard (it sounds so much oooolder).  It was not until late in my birthday celebrations that night that I realized I have to remember a new number to tell people when they ask my age.  Now that I'm officially "in my thirties" (WHAT THE WHAT. WEIRD.), here are 10 things I've learned and am learning a little over three decades into this life journey.

Amen, Michelle.  

Also, numbered lists are the thing now, thanks to Buzzfeed and the like.  

So I followed suit. 

1) Perspective is key. Some of our social groups have gradually shifted away from a good bunch of folks younger than us meeting many societal milestones before us.  We now hear friends and fellow musicians in their mid to late thirties and forties that find out I'm 31 and say, "Oh, you're BABIES!"  I'm not gonna lie, it's a refreshing perspective.  Some days, it feels like there are SECONDS before I will be too old to do anything in my life.  And then other days, I see decades that stretch out before me like the sea.  Mixed ages and places from the people I surround myself with give me a more mixed and healthy perspective.

2) On that note, comparison is one of the devil's best inventions.  Far too many days have gone by with me curled in an incapacitated heap, using other people's stories to judge my own life.  "So and so started doing music full time at 22, so I'm way too late."  "That girl wrote an incredible album at 17. What am I doing with my life?!"  "She reads books by candlelight and is always poetic and fabulous.  I just wish I did.  I fail."  LIES.  Who am I to tell God that He is not creative enough to write a story for my life that is completely original and different than others I've seen??  When I measure myself by their stories, all growth and motivation stops.  When I start living my own, God can move.

3) Speaking of perspective, I'm not the first person to feel what I feel.  God so gently emphasized this at a women's gathering called IF in February 2014, where I was self-deprecatingly pouring my heart out to answer one of our dinner discussion questions and the 70 year old woman beside me matter-of-factly said, "Oh, honey.  You're way too hard on yourself.  It's not as bad as all that."  Most of my relationships for a while had been either peer or in a mentor-like relationship with a younger woman.  Now I've finally followed through and reached out to some older women who have already navigated some of these life stages, and go figure, it's completely relieving and they have wisdom and grace and can speak into my so-called hot mess.

4) I'm more aware of trends.  More specifically, I'm more self-aware of finding that I like things because they have been strategically marketed and are part of a trend.  When I find myself totally crushing on owls, and also hear other girls gush to me "Oh my gosh, I LOVE owls too!!" it is no accident.  This is notable not just in awareness, but in life and purchasing decisions.  I may like owls now, but I might not like them nearly so much five years from now.  So maybe I don't need to buy that precious owl-related piece of home décor.  It sounds kind of obvious, I suppose, but I was oblivious to this for a while.  It's okay to enjoy things in the moment, but if I can better discern what's truly worth investing in, then that's progress in my book.

5) I'm a little less emotional.  A little.  Just a smidge.  Maybe not.  It may just be that I've been able to not let emotion fuel reactions as much - it's not always the driving force like it used to be.  Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, and it's one that's finally growing more as I grow.  (Chris is praising the heavens.)

6) I am what I eat.  This is still a road with highs and lows... but curbing my sugar intake really does decrease the amount that I crave it, and I feel better when I eat more vegetables and fresh food.  This is not rocket science.  But eating whatever I wanted for years is a habit that has taken a long time to get away from.

7) Do I own my stuff, or does it own me?  Most of these personal revelations could be their own blog posts, and this one definitely could be.  For now, I will say it has been an uphill climb to start to release the grip I have on material possessions and to start to simplify.  But each time I gain a foothold and fill another bag of stuff I don't need, my spirit feels lighter and a sense of freedom starts to return.  There are lots of ways addictive personalities and sin can manifest themselves.  Becoming aware and vigilant about such things is hard but so worth it.

8) Forgiveness is a [daily] choice.  This has been a big one.  Living into forgiveness in tough situations involves daily sacrificing my pride and taking my thoughts captive, rather than falling back into bitterness with the next offensive word or careless action from the person.  Forgiveness in less dire situations is more frequent and still requires sacrificing my pride and taking my thoughts captive, to not lose precious time holding out on those I love most.  It also requires not waiting for an apology.

9) Self-analysis is good, to a point.  I have gone through my mid to late-twenties phase of starting to look at my life dynamics through the eyes of an adult.  I see the actions of my parents in different light, I see cause and effect in past situations, I can trace back through patterns and stimuli.  Chris will tell you that I think about these things a great deal.  And it can be well and good and helpful...  But there comes a time when continuing to focus on the root cause and pointing blame is just looking backward.  If I want any kind of redemption in this life, I need to acknowledge these things for what they are and start to take steps forward and away from them. 

10) You get one step at a time.  I'm a planner.  I would like the entire life plan, the end game, the list of instructions, the manual, anything that will enable me to chart my course and go.  Unfortunately, this is not often how God works.  He told Abraham, "Go where I will send you."  He gives countless people in Scripture one instruction at a time.  When they follow and prove faithful in that step, they are given more.  I am finally learning to be content with the one step and to act on it.  Waiting for the whole set results in me not moving at all.

All this to say, it is comforting to know I'm a work in progress.  Amid the occasional panic moments of LIFE IS TOO DANG FAST, I'm grateful for the chance to know myself better, to know God better, and to mature.  There are lots of movies based around going back in time to when life was "better."  I wouldn't trade this life stage for high school, college, the twenties... any of it.  I am sure I will look back when I'm 41 and think, "Gosh, I knew NOTHING!"  It will be a sign that I kept growing and changing.  And I think that's the point.



Dressember: What I Learned

Late November 30th, I (Jenna) decided to stop hemming and hawing and jump dress-first into Dressember.  I heard about it through fellow husband-wife-duo Jenny & Tyler's newsletter, and I joined Jenny's team goal of trying to raise $4500 to fund an International Justice Mission rescue mission. 

From the team Dressember page:
"IJM is a human rights organization that works to combat human trafficking and modern day slavery, and basically stands up for the rights of those who cannot stand up for themselves. They are a group of lawyers, investigators, and social workers. They go into situations to investigate and gather evidence, rescue victims, provide aftercare for the formerly enslaved, and prosecute offenders.  IJM is making real change. They work with local police and governments with the intention of fixing broken justice systems. They ensure that the law protects the most vulnerable." 

 
I am NOT ABOUT being cold.  Truly.  I don absurd amounts of layers at the mere thought of going outside below 50 degrees.  But, I do own dresses... a lot of them... and it seemed like something good to focus on this December besides the 'typical' holiday rush (which I despise. but that's another blog post.).  Now that the 31 days are complete, here are my reflections, in no particular order:

-It's not as cold as I think, usually.  This might seem silly.  But I really do fear being cold, and there were only a few days this month that I felt any real pain from wearing tights out in the elements.  I can stand to toughen up a bit, I think.  
 
-Forced discipline is good for me.  This was a willing endeavor, of course, but I was 'forced' to continue because of the public aspect.  People would see me at work and out and about each day, so if I wasn't wearing a dress, it would be quickly evident.  On the rare occasion I wouldn't be in planned direct contact with others, I was still posting a photo on Instagram every day, so I still needed to get into a dress.  Self-discipline is something I struggle with, and the accountability that came with this made me actually follow through.  (Unlike the Advent calendar I made a couple of years ago that I try to force us to get through each year... but again, another blog post.....)

-People are generous.  This was a reminder; I have learned this already in incredible ways (namely, making our last album!).  It is intimidating to campaign for a financial cause in December, when a) people need to buy gifts and b) seemingly every non-profit organization is trying to raise money to meet their year-end budgets.  A goal of $300 seemed a bit lofty, and I really didn't know what would happen... but it was met and surpassed by Day 17.  I'm so grateful for the women who got behind this cause to give other people a chance at life and freedom!

-Let nothing be taken for granted.  Each day that I posted a picture of the dress I was wearing, I intentionally tried to shed light on the issue of human trafficking with my description.  And I found that I could relate almost everything about my life to this.  If I had food to eat, chose what I wore, had a bed to sleep in, worked a vocation of my choosing, had access to technology, used my educated mind, saw my husband... all of it was suddenly precious and no longer a given.  And this was not the passive realization of counting my blessings and sitting on my haunches - it came in such a way that moved me to do something about those who do not have these basic human rights because they have been stolen, trafficked, sold, robbed.

 -I own an absurd amount of clothing.  Again, a reminder, nothing new.  But someone asked me in the beginning of the month if I really had enough dresses to wear for 31 days, and I said, "Oh, no way - I'll do laundry and repeat and restyle them as I go."  With 10 days to go, I counted the unworn dresses hanging in my closet (without having repeated one yet) and realized that I could surpass the 31 day mark EASILY with plenty leftover.  Yikes.  Excess is something God has been working on in me, and this was another painful reminder that I can't get comfortable feeling like I've handled it in one area of my life and ignore the others.  Most of these dresses were purchased very inexpensively (under $10) or were even hand me downs from a friend - but, let that not excuse indulgence.  It cues important communication from me, as others ask and are pleasantly impressed with my wardrobe.  This is NOT an area I am proud of, nor do I want to perpetuate the sins of wasting resources and hoarding possessions.  We cannot take one bit of them into the next life.  They are dust.  I need to tell myself this daily and loosen my attachment to them.

-This was a creative outlet.  I have grown to enjoy creativity in fashion to a small extent, and this month pushed that further.  I am no fashion magazine trendsetter, but I found I was experiencing some of the same enjoyment that I feel when I'm decorating our apartment or being crafty.  When it comes to visual arts, I can't draw or paint to create from nothing like Chris can, but I can combine existing elements in ways that please and intrigue me.  I am still processing this, but I think it is opening me to several things, including: 
1) to be able to let more clothes go. I experimented more with how to combine different wardrobe pieces and accessories, and the possibilities currently in my closet are ENDLESS.  I can pare down a considerable amount and still be able to come up with creative combinations.  Some of this is thanks to seeing Dressember pics of girls who took one dress and styled it 7 unique ways throughout the month (or even 31 different ways! Some girls, including the founder of the movement, wore the same dress all month long and looked like knockouts the whole way through).  I can do that. 
2) to toe the line between recognizing God-given joy in creativity in this arena and the dangerous slope into materialism and vanity.  The propensity for these things is very real in my life, and I need the Spirit to keep me in balance.  

 
-God can use anything for His purposes.  It's soooooo easy for us to judge those who have different interests and passions than our own, and who dedicate different aspects of their lives to God.  But I had conversations about human trafficking with my mechanic, my family, my coworkers... these would not have taken place were it not for a compliment based on whatever dress-centered outfit I wore that day.  God can use something as simple as a dress to create change and save lives.

-Social media really can foster connection.  So much of it masquerades as doing just that while really alienating us from one another as we compare, judge, comment, hate.  But as I used my #dressember hashtag each day on Instagram, I got likes from users I did not know.  Visits to their profiles often showed that they were working in many ways that align with the mission of IJM - Noonday ambassadors, independent clothing designers with integrity, fair trade boutique entrepreneurs, and so many more.  I got to see so many pieces of what the Kingdom is doing!  I also got to see creativity pour out of Dressember participants.  Some had stunning photographs capturing their dresses, some were men coming up with inventive ways to support the mission instead of wearing a dress, some were women doing surprising things in a dress, some were artists who gave voice to this movement through their craft, some found clever ways to visually work the mission into their photographs and descriptions, some were teachers like me!  And all were uniting under one cause, one umbrella to speak truth and stand for justice.  I was a part of something much bigger than me, and I got to affirm and connect with strangers I will likely never meet.

-On the flipside, full disclosure: I hate selfies.  I hate taking them of myself, I'm not really into seeing other people's, I'm not really about the whole concept.  It just feels like "HEY LOOK AT ME!" to me.  No judgement on those of you who love them, this is just my personal bent.  My exception is if someone is with me in the picture, because it's capturing a moment of interaction.  But for most of these, I only remembered to take a photo when I was alone.  For a while, I kept my face entirely out of the pictures, because I knew I'd end up taking 8 shots until I had one I sort of liked of myself.  I then found that as long as I kept my phone in front of part of my face, I wasn't too critical.  There are some of my full face, but it took a while to get there.  I promise I don't hate the way I look in real life or in a mirror.  But a month of taking selfies was starting to have the self-indulgent feeling I had correctly anticipated.  It's a vanity thing.  So, I'm relieved to be done with them for a while.  Too many minutes messing with filters and adjustments.  If I do it again, I will enlist Chris to take creative pictures that are not me in a mirror.

-How I direct compliments is crucial.  This month was a more day to day occurrence with coworkers, trying to point each "You look so cute!" back to IJM, the issues at hand, and not glorifying the mountains of dresses I own.  This is a big thing when we're on stage, too - wearing a fun outfit to play a show definitely helps me get in the zone of confidence and creativity.  But if all people (especially young women) walk away with is an impression of cute clothes or 'style,' I have failed the mission of why we make music.  The answer is NOT to refute them, because that dishonors the giver; it's simply trying to channel the glory to the One who deserves it.  It's a delicate dance.  I'm trying not to step on toes.

-They say it takes 21 days to break a habit.  I felt this in terms of desire for pants, especially jeans.  Jeans are pretty much my go-to, but after so long of not wearing them, I stopped missing them.  I attribute much of this to leggings being in style.  If tights were my only option for warmth, I might not have gotten so used to it.  But with it being the holiday season and endless food abounding, leggings were really much friendlier to my expanding waistline than jeans would have been (are), anyway.  I've worn jeans these first 3 days of January, but I changed back out of them last night because leggings would not dig into my leftover-eating hips.  I also welcome legwarmers back to the world.  I missed you, legwarmers, though I was too young to get the hang of you back in the '80s.

-You don't realize the value of what you have until you really use it (or don't).  Obvious, but true.  I often have lusted after cute outfits and clothing pieces and accessories as I see them in advertising, in stores, on people I deem cooler than myself, anywhere.  I have a bit of an insatiable thirst when it comes to this.  I always elevate whatever new thing I'm looking at above everything I already own.  I didn't just throw a dress on each day this month; I put thought into every outfit and created more detailed looks than I do many days, almost like I was dressing for a show every day (NOTE: this does NOT mean the goal was/is to impress others; I was finding creative pleasure in this and feeling confident in these choices.  I make this distinction more for me than for you, to check my own motives.).  And I realized that I really do have so many pieces that could create an endless combination of looks that I really like.  This cured some of my fashion lust.  So much so that, for Christmas, Chris gifted me with the promise of a trip to Francesca's where he will pick out something for me, something I'd long proclaimed would make me happy as a clam.  And it does still make me happy, but I will need a while before I feel like I want or need this to happen - I'm almost 'cute'-ed out.  I did not think this was possible.  (He gave me an expiration date of March 31, so I've got a couple months to get over it!)

-Maybe THIS is real Christmas.  Jesus came to the world poor and homeless.  His people were in bondage to sin and could not free themselves.  And he spoke freedom for the captives, hope for the hopeless, all from a posture of humility and earthly weakness.  When we truly see the slave, the widow, the orphan in distress, we see Jesus.  When we begin to feel the weight of their pain, we feel the weight of the duplicity of Advent - the longing of the Israelites for so, so long for a Savior, and the groaning of creation now for Him to come back again and make all things right in the face of slavery, abduction, injustice, fear.  With each life we free, we are saying "YES, Jesus.  Welcome."  We are reordering creation in the smallest of pieces.  Each post from IJM about a new rescue gives me "a thrill of hope / the weary world rejoices."  This is why we have Christmas at all, and this is the working out of our daily Advent.

Thanks to those of you who followed along on Instagram.  There is still time to donate to the final total - the overall goal is $500k, and we are almost there.  It was an adventure, and above all else, I pray for hope, freedom, and restoration for all!!

My personal fundraising page: https://support.dressemberfoundation.org/fundraise?fcid=382369