This weekend we got to visit my sister Katrina at Penn State and got to attend her church. They've been going through the book of Genesis, and we were on Genesis 17 - Circumcision. (A little awkward, right? Is it just me that has the tendency to look around to see who's giggling and hiding their face in their Bibles trying to be mature?)
The man who taught had a lot of wise things to say... he pointed out how much God is the central character and focus of this passage, unlike many passages that tell stories with God almost absent as a character, and this creates something we need to pay attention to. (On a complete side note, I listened to a children's book about prepositions this week that said it is in fact NOT wrong to end a sentence with a preposition! SCORE! This has been a bane of my writing existence for years!!)
This is also the chapter in which God for the first time gives someone a new name - a sure sign that something big is happening. He changes Abram to Abraham, redefining his purpose from being an "exalted father" to a "father of multitudes." He elaborates on his promises to Abraham, saying that despite Abraham's best efforts to figure out God's plan and make it happen in his own way (cough, cough... my life?!), God still has a plan set and that it is only now (THIRTEEN years after Abram's efforts to make it come true! ugh!) that more light and definition will be shed.
He then gives Sarai a new name - Sarah. What's interesting to me is that they both mean "princess." So, she maintains her role and her purpose, but simply gets a new spelling?? Hmm. Any other time God changes a name in scripture, it is indeed a sign of change, of calling, of importance. So it's not that her life is taking on an unprecedented direction; it's the advent of the promised purpose and calling finally coming to fruition.
The thought that came to me was that, while the Bible doesn't tell us about many female God-given name changes, we see tons of female name changes in our culture today. Many women who get married (although I'm sure statistics will tell us this percentage is falling daily) take on their husband's last name, either shedding their maiden name or hyphenating it with the new name. I guess it's not really novel that with this new name a woman takes on a new identity as a wife... but I do think it's easy to take on the "title" of Mrs. _____________ without the sense of a new self. For me at least, after being rather independent and taking care of myself up until age 27, it's hard to suddenly be in a role that needs me to let someone else take care of me and seeks first the betterment of that person before my own, all the time, every day! On an average day to day basis, it can be easy to fall into my old habits and patterns of how I like to spend my evenings, what I think should be done with the time I have, what's important to me... but this new name is an opportunity, I think, to let God redefine who I am and the purpose to which he has called me. He doesn't intend for me to just carry on in my same-old self, riddled with selfishness and stubbornness and so many other things wrapped into it... He is calling me out and coaxing out the things in me he wants to purify and cleanse, and does it (at times painfully!) through this new name of being a Mrs., being pledged and promised to a man to love him faithfully through everything, having to expose my uglier parts in order to love him better and let God mold me.
I'm getting to a tired state of mind and having trouble finding the right ending (and worrying that I'm rambling)... so I guess my point is that God's act of giving us new names is ultimately done now through Christ, when we are called His through having faith in him. And that God, being a God of grace and second chances, gives me another chance through this new married name to bring glory to His name by serving with someone at my side, and serving the one at my side as I need to serve my God. It's not just a legal document change at the MVA and Social Security... it's truly a gift and a calling to let God give me new purposes and do greater things than I could have done when I was just me on my own. God, I hope I can listen to you call me by name to follow You the way You've dreamed for me!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
Time
I do not often have the discipline I should.
Time is something that, every few weeks or so, causes me to despair at how little I have of it. There are not enough hours in the day to practice, to see the people I want to see, to get some quality date time, to keep our apartment clean, to write new songs, to write poetry and prose like I used to, to exercise...
I am a planner, and sometimes this can be a fault of mine. I get stressed out when I don't know what's going on and frustrated when plans get foiled. It is something I am gradually learning to loosen up about, definitely with Chris's help (he's the type that often does not plan the way I think he should, and yet things miraculously always work out for him!).
But with the planner in me, if I don't think ahead about un-scheduled time, life can flip on its head and go from having "not enough time" to piles of wasted time. It's spring break, and I have so many high hopes for it! Chris roused me on his way to work at 8 am this morning, telling me he left the freezer door open and I'd better get up to close it (perfect trick, it actually got me out of bed - not an easy task!!) After a few minutes I stumbled to the kitchen (he closed it after all) and then to the living room, where I picked up the laptop "just to check email." It is now an hour and a half later, and what have I done? I sent one band marketing inquiry... am now writing a blog post... and spend the whole rest of that time changing Facebook pictures, looking through Twitter, browsing a few blogs, and generally a whole lot of nothing.
Both Chris and I run into days/nights like this, where we get into a funk at how poorly we spent the hours we had. There are so many worthwhile things to do, and yet we gravitate toward those that will not feed our souls or benefit others.
I think there is a fine line here that I need to walk... I often err on the side of having a “Martha heart,” bustling around trying to accomplish things and fretting about To Do lists. And it's true that I need to not have many mornings like this one where I sit on a couch in the face of everything else I could do. But getting off these cushions and spending the next few hours doing laundry and cleaning is not going to bless my heart, either. I have a wonderful mother who has worked so hard to take care of our family for my whole life. I am in awe of all she has done! And yet, often when we talk, she is frustrated with a day, and says that she “didn't get enough things done.” Indeed, I remember BALKING at hearing that phrase in my teenage years - “Jenna, it's time to get some things done!” I think I hated the word "things" in the phrase, as if there were these looming tasks that would never be complete no matter what I accomplished (and thus precluded me from getting started at all at times!). And for all the joy my mom has brought us and others, it makes me sad when her perception of her life is tied to how many chores and tasks she got done in a day.
The Gospel writers tell of Mary, who got it exactly right when she sat at Jesus' feet, soaking in his presence and every word he had to say. And this is the very thing I am prone to shy away from, wanting to complete something tangible and being tempted to do something else first (which almost always results in me not spending time with Him at all). I hate this about myself, and hate that I recognize it every few months and slip right back into the same pattern anyway.
So, I am getting off of the couch to first go read and talk to God. It's not on my To Do list... but really, maybe it should be. Maybe it should be the first thing, written at the top in all caps in bold Sharpie. Maybe then I wouldn't begin days and nights with aimless meandering on the internet. I don't think God's desire for my life is for me to put Him on a To-Do list. But if that's how my brain operates, maybe it's a least a place to start falling more in love with Him.
Time is something that, every few weeks or so, causes me to despair at how little I have of it. There are not enough hours in the day to practice, to see the people I want to see, to get some quality date time, to keep our apartment clean, to write new songs, to write poetry and prose like I used to, to exercise...
I am a planner, and sometimes this can be a fault of mine. I get stressed out when I don't know what's going on and frustrated when plans get foiled. It is something I am gradually learning to loosen up about, definitely with Chris's help (he's the type that often does not plan the way I think he should, and yet things miraculously always work out for him!).
But with the planner in me, if I don't think ahead about un-scheduled time, life can flip on its head and go from having "not enough time" to piles of wasted time. It's spring break, and I have so many high hopes for it! Chris roused me on his way to work at 8 am this morning, telling me he left the freezer door open and I'd better get up to close it (perfect trick, it actually got me out of bed - not an easy task!!) After a few minutes I stumbled to the kitchen (he closed it after all) and then to the living room, where I picked up the laptop "just to check email." It is now an hour and a half later, and what have I done? I sent one band marketing inquiry... am now writing a blog post... and spend the whole rest of that time changing Facebook pictures, looking through Twitter, browsing a few blogs, and generally a whole lot of nothing.
Both Chris and I run into days/nights like this, where we get into a funk at how poorly we spent the hours we had. There are so many worthwhile things to do, and yet we gravitate toward those that will not feed our souls or benefit others.
I think there is a fine line here that I need to walk... I often err on the side of having a “Martha heart,” bustling around trying to accomplish things and fretting about To Do lists. And it's true that I need to not have many mornings like this one where I sit on a couch in the face of everything else I could do. But getting off these cushions and spending the next few hours doing laundry and cleaning is not going to bless my heart, either. I have a wonderful mother who has worked so hard to take care of our family for my whole life. I am in awe of all she has done! And yet, often when we talk, she is frustrated with a day, and says that she “didn't get enough things done.” Indeed, I remember BALKING at hearing that phrase in my teenage years - “Jenna, it's time to get some things done!” I think I hated the word "things" in the phrase, as if there were these looming tasks that would never be complete no matter what I accomplished (and thus precluded me from getting started at all at times!). And for all the joy my mom has brought us and others, it makes me sad when her perception of her life is tied to how many chores and tasks she got done in a day.
The Gospel writers tell of Mary, who got it exactly right when she sat at Jesus' feet, soaking in his presence and every word he had to say. And this is the very thing I am prone to shy away from, wanting to complete something tangible and being tempted to do something else first (which almost always results in me not spending time with Him at all). I hate this about myself, and hate that I recognize it every few months and slip right back into the same pattern anyway.
So, I am getting off of the couch to first go read and talk to God. It's not on my To Do list... but really, maybe it should be. Maybe it should be the first thing, written at the top in all caps in bold Sharpie. Maybe then I wouldn't begin days and nights with aimless meandering on the internet. I don't think God's desire for my life is for me to put Him on a To-Do list. But if that's how my brain operates, maybe it's a least a place to start falling more in love with Him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)