So This Is the New Year.

This has been heavy on my heart and mind for the last month, and on this first day of the year, I finally have a moment to come back to it.

We kicked off our first-ever Christmas tour with a soft start in November - a college group we know and love invited us to make a stop with them, but their classes ended in early December and wouldn't leave time for a full-on Christmastime show.  So, we visited before Thanksgiving and played some normal C&J tunes with some Christmas songs at the end.

At the show, we got to see some familiar fans and meet some new wonderful faces.  I talked with one girl for a while afterward, and she bought both of our albums before leaving.  She was sweet and vibrant.  She took the time to post on our page later that week about how she couldn't stop listening to our albums - we were so touched by her enthusiasm and her thoughtfulness.  We messaged back and forth and made sure to invite her to the show we were playing in the same town soon.

But the Tuesday before that show, just two weeks after the night we met, I was scrolling through social media and saw prayer requests for the students of the school.  This young lady had suddenly passed away.

I was shocked.  We began to pray and reach out to those we knew at the college, and learned that this sweet girl had taken her own life.

And at that, I hit the wall, so to speak.  I wept for a good while before I could start our work for the day.

We knew this girl for fourteen days.  And that was all the time we would have with her.  In the last two weeks of her life, we had conversations with her.  She listened to music we wrote and recorded.  And then she was gone.

My thoughts were jumbled.  What hit me was some of the following:

• Our occupation as musicians and songwriters has purpose, gravity even.  And it's a lot bigger than just putting melody and chords together.
• Regardless of our occupation, our identity as Christians gives every meeting, every moment, every person purpose.
• We have no idea the demons that some people are fighting.  
• I don't want to waste words.  I don't want to waste breath.

Over the Rhine says it so well in one of their songs:
"I don't wanna waste the words 
That you don't seem to need
When it comes to wanting what's real
There's no such thing as greed
I hope this night puts down deep roots
I hope we plant a seed
Cause I don't wanna waste your time
With music you don't need" 

I don't want to waste time on words that are shallow and music that is inconsequential.  We do not know how long we get to know people in this life.  Everything counts.  Every. single. moment.  We get the chance to speak eternity to the hearts of people.  I want to do that.

As I tried to process, I clicked on her name from the comment she left on our page.  I could not get to the bottom of her feed to see anything she had posted herself; it was overflowing with words from people she knew.  Friends who shared the campus she attended.  Friends who hadn't seen her in too long.  Family from far away.  Those who spent many moments with her; those who wished they'd spent more time.  Post after post, everyone said the goodbyes they didn't get to say before she left.

And here is the other thing weighing on my heart:
Friends, we DO NOT have to wait to say these things.

We can say them while people are still here.  While they live and breathe and can read or hear those words.  Can process them.  Can feel their hearts swell and faint flames of joy ignite at knowing they are loved, they are valued, they are wanted, they are important.

What if this year, in 2016, we spent our days well by reaching out to people to tell them how much they mean to us?  The things we subconsciously think about them, but don't remember or even imagine saying in our everyday conversations (or far-spread out conversations, as the case may be).  To give the gift of affirmation to those who can receive it (and indeed are likely hungry to receive it).   Something deeper than just a "like" on a post - private, personal words of reflection.  Perhaps even the gift of LISTENING, for heavens sake - waiting for a response when we ask "How are you?" and not letting those we care about off the hook with a veiled "fine, thanks."  Think how many minutes and hours we spend in a day.  Which of those minutes are making eternal impact?  Which are we spending on mindless pursuits that we could turn into life-changing honesty and blessing?

I'm ramping up on this New Year's day, setting app timers and blockers in place to weed out the things that steal my attention from words that need to be said, whether directly to someone in my life or on this blog or in a song that could reach the ears of those I'll briefly or never meet.  If it's that person's best day or their worst, I want anything I've put out there to matter.  Enough with the shallow.  We have all been dying since the day we were born, and our souls are at stake.  Let's touch the souls we meet with intentional love.

View "I Don't Want to Waste Your Time" by Over the Rhine.

-Jenna